One Step Ahead!

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One Step Ahead!

Postby RetroBandit » November 22nd, 2016, 7:55 pm

Rules are simple, everyone either wants to take over the world or prevent others from doing so, reply to the plan or foil above you and describe how you though one step ahead so their plan is defunct. Then the next poster will try to defunct your plan and so on. The more elaborate, impractical, or funny a plan is, the better it is. I will start here.

Me! The mighty Overlord Retro declare the Earth to be fried! My doomsday machine with create a massive portals connecting major landmarks and buildings of interest to the surface of the sun! I will start with a demonstration filling the Smithsonian area with super dense gas from Venuses atmosphere. And if they don't comply with my commands, things will get worse, much worse.

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Re: One Step Ahead!

Postby Omnoman » November 24th, 2016, 11:15 am

You can't make portals, they're impossible. As such, since your doomsday machine works on that, it breaks.
And if that's not working, your doomsday machine will be the first to fry, since you need to test it close. And you're burned too.
Did I mention that nothing can survive the sun? Not even your machine.

Meanwhile, I build a castle with bright, poppy colors. I have guards with armor they paint, visible faces, and they wear silly hats every Friday.
I also build a town with a statue of a dragon. I pay young lads and lasses who fit the hero type (strange clothes, plucky, outlander accent) to say that they'll defeat the evil tyrant and rally the masses in rebellion, but- and here's the catch- they never do.
This desensitizes the people to the real deal. I also give to charities, and hold dinners to support children in need. As such, I get nothing but good press. All my halls are painted different colors every 5 steps, my death traps move fast (with lightweight materials!), I hold no hostages, and I hire mercenaries that don't go for the thrill of the hunt.
I myself wear a slightly faded trenchcoat, with multi-colored patches on them, as well as a faded rainbow scarf. I slightly dishevel my hair, and invite the heroes' families to dinner to show goodwill. I made sure to carry backups of whatever plans I have, as well as build prototypes. I have bought a private testing grounds far from the Keep, to test whatever weapons in a safer fashion. I also make sure that my rainbow-beam-of-memory-modifying has no self destruct button, runs on clean, renewable energy (I'd build the castle near the top of a mountain, for good wind energy), does not overheat, has no weak points, and will be silent. When it is fired, everyone in range will think 'This is a neat guy. Maybe I'd like to follow him!', and, as such, will follow me as a loyal subject. I make sure that, after I make sure it works, that it will be built in other locations. And, for max. security, I make it waterproof, fire-proof, sword-proof, bow-proof, etc. And I always fire it after a rainstorm, for the least noticeable results. As such, domination will be quick, painless, and seamless.
I make sure my staff are trustable, single, etc. I also hire a 5-year old to find weak points in my stuff. So, if he can come up with something improbable to defeat me, I make sure to patch that improbable weakness.
After the takeover, I make sure to be a kind, gentle, and helpful ruler, to make insurgence non-existent.
And I make sure to have lots of kids myself, to have backup in case I am defeated.
Lastly, I build decoy castles in areas you would see villains set up. And I make my castle look nice, like a good castle.
I may even send the heroes on quests for me, if they:
-Don't suspect me.
-Are on good terms with me.
-Know some people.
Boom. Perfect plan.
EDIT: Also, I don't shout out my plans or waste time on things like singing to the hero or announcing my plans to them. Or bragging. And I install surge protectors on the beam, make sure that all timers are free from quantum anomalies (e.g. having only progressed by a few seconds if everyone looks away for a few minutes), have all suits tailor-made for my Mooks, hire an incompetent officer filled with misinformation, and have every map of the fortress be ludicrously wrong (and have all of my guards, save for the Misinformation Officer, memorize the real layout).
:crate: :crow: :crate:
:crate: :geek: :crate:
:crate: :crate: :crate:
This is stupid.

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