Everything Wrong With Movies (updated 10/17/14)

[Lysander789]

[UPDATE 9/20/14]
The newest sins video is out. Introducing "EWW High School Musical in 9 Minutes or Less:
[media=youtube]shJkgsDZofQ[/media]

Leave your replies on the 2nd page of this thread. I want to hear your opinions!
[Original post]
Introducing "Everything Wrong With Sharkboy & Lavagirl in 8 Minutes or Less."
[media=youtube]Mi6WyfG0cU0[/media]

I did my best to replicate the style of Cinemasins. Tell me what you think (in a constructive, but civilized manner) about my video. I am accepting requests for doing other movies.

[papaya]

watching the first few minutes a lot of the 'sins' seemed like you were really grasping at straws. Some of your comments had nothing to do with the scene. The kid says 'Imaginary Friends', so it's a foster's home for imaginary friends reference? What?

also in some of them you made a few errors while speaking. You really should've (since by the sounds of it this wasn't one continuous take) re-done those segments so it sounded like you were confident in your speech and not tripping up over your words

also a serious amount of twilight hate here
like, more than there should be for a film/book that old.

that justin bieber quip too
is it the 2000s in here or what

even taking a stab at the last airbender
are you worried that more obscure references beyond twilight/justin bieber wouldn't be appreciated, or could you really not think of any beyond those?

also no offence but some people really dont have the right voice for voice acting something like this. Combined with your terrible mic quality..

[Miniike]

Besides what Papaya said, it's just kind of slow, with gaps in between when you finish reading and when the counter goes up. One of the great things about Cinemasins is the rapid-fire jokes.

I did chuckle a few times though, so you are not a total hopless wreck. The sins themselves weren't that bad, but the execution did seem to slap me in the face constantly with the fact I wasn't watching Cinemasins.

[Lysander789]

Besides what Papaya said, it's just kind of slow, with gaps in between when you finish reading and when the counter goes up. One of the great things about Cinemasins is the rapid-fire jokes.

I did chuckle a few times though, so you are not a total hopless wreck. The sins themselves weren't that bad, but the execution did seem to slap me in the face constantly with the fact I wasn't watching Cinemasins.

Thanks for the constructive criticism guys. I know this video was the best I could do, but it was one of my experimental videos. If I decide to do another one of these videos, I'll just get someone else to do the voice over.

watching the first few minutes a lot of the 'sins' seemed like you were really grasping at straws. Some of your comments had nothing to do with the scene. The kid says 'Imaginary Friends', so it's a foster's home for imaginary friends reference? What?

also in some of them you made a few errors while speaking. You really should've (since by the sounds of it this wasn't one continuous take) re-done those segments so it sounded like you were confident in your speech and not tripping up over your words

also a serious amount of twilight hate here
like, more than there should be for a film/book that old.

that justin bieber quip too
is it the 2000s in here or what

even taking a stab at the last airbender
are you worried that more obscure references beyond twilight/justin bieber wouldn't be appreciated, or could you really not think of any beyond those?

also no offence but some people really dont have the right voice for voice acting something like this. Combined with your terrible mic quality..

Thanks for voicing your opinion, Papaya. I threw in some of the sins just for the sake of it; i.e. the awkward 'Foster's' reference. Some of the sins were on minor things because if I focused on all of the mistakes, the vid would've been 8+ minutes. As for the references: Twilight, JB & a few others were the only things on my mind at that time. The next time I do a vid like this, I'll probably get an assistant to help with script & voice work.

[papaya]

rapid fire comedy like this really should be scripted over improv, tbh.

I mean as you're editing it there's no excuse NOT to write one

[Semesto]

64? That's it?!

[ThatOneFox]

Moved to creative corner. I thought it would fit better here.

[ElectroYoshi]

It was solid overall, but there are a few areas where you can improve:

First off, voiceover. Your voice sounds kinda weird, almost kinda distorted. You'd be wise to get a higher quality mic so your voice sounds a bit more cleaned up.

Secondly, delivery. Your delivery was not bad, but I feel like you had to pause a bit too often. Like Miniike said, part of what makes CinemaSins great is how fast they get the point across. As I watched the video, I got the impression you only read over your script a couple of times beforehand, so I feel like your delivery suffered from that.

Lastly, references. They're acceptable, but the Twilight and Justin Bieber jokes here are overused, so they got stale after awhile. You don't want to make jokes about the same thing more than once or twice a video, especially with things like Twilight or JB that have more or less faded into obscurity.

Overall though, I think there's potential here. :3

[Rabbidfan236]

A lot of these sins were actually pretty good, but I don't think you should have counted the ones that were more of references (the kinds with the music that CinemaSins usually puts at the end of the video).

[Lysander789]

rapid fire comedy like this really should be scripted over improv, tbh.

I mean as you're editing it there's no excuse NOT to write one

I did write the script for this video. But I do need to improve the script quality.

64? That's it?!

If I pointed out all the sins of that movie, this video would have been too long. It was better to keep the count low or the video would have been too boringly long.

It was solid overall, but there are a few areas where you can improve:

...[stuff]...

Lastly, references. They're acceptable, but the Twilight and Justin Bieber jokes here are overused, so they got stale after awhile. You don't want to make jokes about the same thing more than once or twice a video, especially with things like Twilight or JB that have more or less faded into obscurity.

Overall though, I think there's potential here. :3

Like I said earlier, this was an experimental video. The next time a make a sins video, I'll probably get a friend to assist with the script and voice over. For the references, Twilight, JB, and a few other jokes were the only things I had on my head at the time.

A lot of these sins were actually pretty good, but I don't think you should have counted the ones that were more of references (the kinds with the music that CinemaSins usually puts at the end of the video).

I added those snippets in because it was fun to edit them (like the "IT'S NO USE reference I put in there).

Thanks for all the feedback guys. I want to know what movie I should do next. For the next video I do, I will probably have some help with it from one of my friends.

[ElectroYoshi]

I want to know what movie I should do next.

Up, possibly? That was a pretty popular movie, so I'd be amused to hear someone count its sins...

[Lysander789]

Up, possibly? That was a pretty popular movie, so I'd be amused to hear someone count its sins...

Pixar's Up is up to consideration, but it's more fun to jab at movies of lesser quality. One of my ideas are: High School Musical 1 (which isn't a bad movie by itself, but it has a lot of sin-worthy moments), Pixar's Brave (not the best candidate, but something worth considering), or Space Jam (a favorite from my childhood that is worth being ripped apart).

[ElectroYoshi]

Pixar's Up is up to consideration, but it's more fun to jab at movies of lesser quality.

Yeah, that's true. I mainly suggested that because I enjoyed their recent Toy Story episode.

[media=youtube]y8F1Xl52q_Q[/media]

But CinemaSins only rarely tackle "beloved" movies, so I'd survive if you did something else.

[Lysander789]

Yeah, that's true. I mainly suggested that because I enjoyed their recent Toy Story episode.

[stuff]

But CinemaSins only rarely tackle "beloved" movies, so I'd survive if you did something else.

Well, the next sins video that I have planned is "EWW High School Musical." While it is a decent movie, it has loads of sins I could tackle.

[Entity]

Everyone's been giving you a lot of criticisms but I honestly think the video was a lot better than I expected from reading everyone's feedback! Not to say there's not room for improvement (when is there not?), but I disagreed with a few criticisms actually.

Specifically papaya said you were "grasping at straws" but I disagree... it was actually a lot like the actual cinemasins I thought, they just point out funny things and call them sins! Also "bad references"...? I think that's just opinion, Justin Bieber jokes never go out of style, man. I think like, completely honestly, the main thing you could improve on would be to just practice talking faster and make the clips more "tight and smashy" if you know what I mean.

I can't wait for the next video though! PM me when you release it if I don't see it, because sometimes I just completely miss threads xP

[Miniike]

EWW Citizen Kane

I dare you.

[ElectroYoshi]

Specifically papaya said you were "grasping at straws" but I disagree... it was actually a lot like the actual cinemasins I thought, they just point out funny things and call them sins! Also "bad references"...? I think that's just opinion, Justin Bieber jokes never go out of style, man. I think like, completely honestly, the main thing you could improve on would be to just practice talking faster and make the clips more "tight and smashy" if you know what I mean.

I don't know about everyone else, but I actually had this same mindset toward the video. It reminded me a lot of the real deal as well. The criticism of the references, at least for me, wasn't really "JB and Twilight are outdated" so much as "You referenced JB and Twilight too often". Like I said, you don't wanna joke about one thing too often in a single video, because if you do, the jokes go from funny to stale very quickly.

[Lysander789]

Everyone's been giving you a lot of criticisms but I honestly think the video was a lot better than I expected from reading everyone's feedback! Not to say there's not room for improvement (when is there not?), but I disagreed with a few criticisms actually.

[stuff]

I can't wait for the next video though! PM me when you release it if I don't see it, because sometimes I just completely miss threads xP

I'll PM you once the video is done.

EWW Citizen Kane

I dare you.

I've never seen that movie before & I'm not interested in that movie, so no "EWW Citizen Cane." But I'm still doing EWW High School Musical (HSM) 1.

I don't know about everyone else, but I actually had this same mindset toward the video. It reminded me a lot of the real deal as well. The criticism of the references, at least for me, wasn't really "JB and Twilight are outdated" so much as "You referenced JB and Twilight too often". Like I said, you don't wanna joke about one thing too often in a single video, because if you do, the jokes go from funny to stale very quickly.

I'll keep that in mind when I work on EWW High School Musical 1.

[Miniike]

i watch movies and somehow have not seen citizen kane

[Lysander789]

\
Is that a Monty Python gif you're using against me? I'm not qualified to do a classic movie like Citizen Kane; simply put it, I'm not interested in ripping that movie apart.

I'm still doing HSM1 for my next video.