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An Excerpt From A Novel I Am Writing

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RetroBandit
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An Excerpt From A Novel I Am Writing

Post by RetroBandit »

Retro here! I have been off these forums for a while now but I decided that I should post this here. It is an excerpt from the beginning of a novel that I am writing. I want to project the novel to the teen to young adult audience. The main antagonistic force of the story isn't a two dimensional Disney villain, but something that is relatable and that you will question if it is even bad, or trying to do the right thing with the wrong means, like Rumpelstiltskin in Once Upon a Time. The first paragraph of the excerpt may be a little to detailed for comfort. The detail to the scene is not even applied yet though, and there may be worse including: Being trapped in a room filling with acidic liquid, fighting in a shuttle heading towards earth at high velocity, fire extinguisher head bashing, and time travel. Enjoy.

“My name is Nathan! Save her! The fog burns!”

This is the last thing that Nathan was thinking before hitting the ground, he couldn’t open his eyes. The dark fog that surrounded him was burning him, he couldn’t escape, it was everywhere. He already forgot the plan he meant to execute after dolphin diving through the already shattered window of the formidable tower that he risked his life and others to ascend. He failed, something. Nathan’s memory of the past week was starting to fade away as the fog burned like acid across his skin. The last memory to go was that of an mental image, of what he was fighting for, what he failed to save, but memory was forgotten when his bones shattered as he hit the ground. His skin was peeling, leaving the fog to feast on his exposed flesh, the pain was too great to bear, so he gave in with nothing left to fight for. Nathan inhaled the fog into his lungs, then he breathed it out with a scream of pure pain, and then, there was darkness.
* She woke up in a cold sweat that drenched her bed. “I am in my room, it was just a nightmare.” She tried to reassure herself as she pulled off the covers and got out of her silver framed bed. She tried to remember what woke her up. Did she die in the dream? The more she tried to think about the dream however, the faster it faded from her memory. It was strange, she always remembered her dreams with vivid detail. She often achieved lucidity in the realm of her mind, but not this time. What was different?

She thought about this question throughout her morning routine. She took a thoughtful shower, but by the time she got dressed and was applying sterilization fluid to her teeth, she still hasn’t answered the question. Tasting the sweet orangey flavor of the fluid calmed her nerves a bit. Orange was always her favorite color.
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Entity
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Post by Entity »

I'm intrigued by what you have so far! Can't wait to read more.
and themes of social standards and political corruption
I dunno, I feel like that might be too much for this forum.
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Bad At Gravity
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Post by Bad At Gravity »

Entity wrote:
I dunno, I feel like that might be too much for this forum.
Agreed.
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Flameforlife
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Post by Flameforlife »

Nice. But yeah. The political stuff, while intriguing me, is a bit much for this forum. Keep working on it, dude!
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RetroBandit
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Post by RetroBandit »

I am not going to post the book on the forum, just this excerpt and whatever else I deem fit. The political stuff isn't really focused on as this is kind of a dystopian government. The only social standard talked about is why the government is only selecting the rich and industry leaders to survive the fog. Kind of like the wisper, and that was a teen novel.

EDIT: I may post the book on this forum, this book is targeting a teen audience. Something you would see in a high school library. If I would post it. I would probably message phantom so he can read it and approve it before I post it in chapters. It all depends
I think I am flying?
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